


Don’t Refrain

by orphan_account



Series: Tomorrow Is Sure To Come [1]
Category: Twenty One Pilots
Genre: Adventure & Romance, Alternate Universe, Angst, Character Development, First Meetings, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Hospitals, It all goes downhill from there, Josh is trying to help, M/M, Mild Smut (Eventually), More characters to be added, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Rich and Angsty Boy!Tyler, Sadness Aplenty, Shenanigans, TW: Subtle References to Suicide, Taxi Driver!Josh, Tyler is going through some shit, Work In Progress, cuteness abound, multi-chaptered, road trip au
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-23
Updated: 2020-02-09
Packaged: 2021-02-19 04:36:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,276
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22372012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: Tyler didn’t look away from the headlights, but after a moment, shook his head slightly.Confusion flooded Josh’s mind. “Where do you want to be dropped, then?”There was a moment of silence. The only noise was the steady hum of the car engine and the raindrops hitting the roof.“I don’t know,” Tyler said then, so softly it was almost inaudible.“Wh— I’m sorry, what?”|-/Tyler doesn’t know where to go. Luckily, Josh is his Uber driver— to nowhere, and everywhere.
Relationships: Josh Dun/Tyler Joseph
Series: Tomorrow Is Sure To Come [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1610629
Comments: 18
Kudos: 19





	1. Don’t Be Afraid

**Author's Note:**

> First work here, and a big project! Hope you enjoy! Comments and kudos give me motivation to write more and faster. 
> 
> I put a lot of elements of my own life into my writing. For example, what Tyler is going through with his family is very similar through what I went through with mine. This story is very close to my heart and I hope it touches yours as well. 
> 
> Stay alive.
> 
> |-/

> **_Living another day in disguise,_**
> 
> **_These feelings can't be right._ **
> 
> **_-M.I.A, Avenged Sevenfold_ **

There was always something ominous about how silent the trees were at night. 

Josh always felt uncomfortable driving at this hour. He had read one too many a ghost story and tales of murderous hitch-hikers— and the fact that letting strangers into his car was his job didn’t make the situation any easier for him. 

But a buck was a buck, he always reminded himself, and a student had to pay his college tuition fees somehow, not to mention that his personal expenses were already formidable. Being a cab driver was the only way he could earn money on the side with his inflexible class hours— and while Josh was uncomfortable in the open at this hour, it was a necessity, so he bit the bullet and did his job. 

He’d been thinking about buying a car radio— the one that came with his car had been _stolen_ , of all things— but sometimes the silence was welcome, allowing Josh to think till he thought too much, to hum tunes from the back of his mind as his fingers tapped at the steering wheel in time with his voice. He kept reminding himself to record the tunes sometimes— _just in case_ he ever made it as big as he dreamt, just in case he became a musician with thousands cheering for him as he played— but he never did.

He didn’t quite know why he never did. 

Perhaps it was insecurity. Josh knew it was a far-fetched dream, something he could only hope to achieve— but try as he did, he could never squash down the small sliver of hope that it was possible. 

It was the downside to being a dreamer— it was fun to fantasize. 

Josh would often get lost like this on the wheel, his body driving on autopilot while he thought. His little bubble of contemplation was popped when he heard his phone buzz with a notification: he had a pick-up. 

“Okay, let’s do this,” he sighed as he accepted. The rider was only five minutes away, standing outside a café that Josh frequented for its excellent coffee and cozy ambience. Shifting gears, it only took him humming a single song to get there.

|-/

The rain had started to come down heavily, so Josh parked as close to the café entrance as he could, texting the rider— Tyler— that he had arrived. About half a minute later, there was a knock on the window, but to his surprise and slight alarm, it wasn’t the back door that opened, but the passenger door next to him instead. 

Anxiety gripped Josh instantly, his mind a million miles a second. Wasn’t this every kidnapping scene in movies? The barrel of a gun would glint in the darkness as a hooded, faceless passenger seated himself, his gravelly voice saying _just drive_ as the cold steel pressed against Josh’s temple—

“Hello?” A voice said, and the knot in Josh’s gut unraveled a bit. A young man peeked in, his hair soaking wet, clearly making an effort to stop his teeth chattering from the cold. “Are you Josh? I booked an Uber—“

“That’s me,” Josh said, and Tyler outright tumbled into the passenger seat, shrugging off his wet jacket. Josh turned up the heater, despite the fact that it would cost him more. The man looked slightly pathetic, with his brown hair plastered over his forehead, shivering violently, his hands held out in front of the vents to warm them. 

“Here,” Josh said, shrugging off his jacket without a second thought. Tyler stared at it for a second, as if not quite registering what it was, and then accepted it, sighing with relief as he shrugged it on. 

Josh’s nerves calmed down as he took in Tyler’s tiny frame, a hundred and fifty three pounds soaking wet. _He’s not a threat,_ he reminded himself. 

He started the trip on his phone and peered at the destination. 

Wait, that couldn’t be right. 

“Um,” Josh said, intelligently, turning to Tyler, who seemed fixated on the headlights from the cars passing by. “You want to be dropped down the street?”

The destination that Tyler had set was barely ten meters away from where Josh had picked him up. 

Tyler didn’t look away from the headlights, but after a moment, shook his head slightly. 

Confusion flooded Josh’s mind. “Where do you want to be dropped, then?”

There was a moment of silence. The only noise was the steady hum of the car engine and the raindrops hitting the roof. 

“I don’t know,” Tyler said then, so softly it was almost inaudible. 

“Wh— I’m sorry, what?”

Josh stared at Tyler, who looked down at his hands, picking around his nails. He looked almost dazed, zoned out. Josh wondered if he was on drugs— but it didn’t seem like he was. It just looked like he was lost, and almost _afraid_. 

“I don’t know where to go,” he mumbled, distractedly. “I don’t have anywhere to go.”

“But—“

“Just...drive me anywhere. Just for a bit.” Tyler finally raised his eyes to meet his, and there was a storm brewing behind those brown irises. “Please?”

How could Josh say no to that?

“I’ll pay as much as you need me to,” Tyler said, taking Josh’s silence for hesitation, but Josh shook his head. 

“No, man, it’s fine,” Josh said, firmly. If his good-deed-of-the-week was going to get him murdered, that would be fine— but he couldn’t refuse Tyler’s request, not when he asked so pleadingly. “Don’t worry about it.”

Tyler almost smiled at him, the corners of his lips twitching upwards slightly. “Thanks, man.”

“No problem,” Josh shrugged, trying to play it casual, but he was dying to know what Tyler was doing out on a Sunday night with nowhere to go. Still, he held his tongue— it wasn’t his place to poke his nose into Tyler’s business, curiosity be damned. 

“So,” Josh started conversationally, starting the car. “What are you doing out on a Sunday night with nowhere to go?”

Fuck. 

“None of your business,” Tyler snapped. Josh recoiled, but Tyler immediately softened. “Sorry, sorry. I didn’t mean to— it’s just been a long day. Sorry.”

Josh nodded, still a little hurt, though he couldn’t fathom why. Tyler was a stranger, after all. “It’s fine.”

“No, it’s not,” Tyler said, his tone apologetic. He sighed, closing his eyes and resting his head back against the seat. “There’s a lot going on. I promise I’ll tell you someday, though.”

Josh nodded, deciding not to question Tyler in his current state of mind. “Okay.”

Five more minutes of silence passed before Josh inevitably opened his mouth again. 

“What’s your favourite kind of food?”

Tyler seemed startled by the question, his eyes flying open, but after a moment of consideration, answered nonetheless. “Uh. Italian, I guess?”

“Italian is pretty awesome,” Josh agreed, subtly taking a turn towards one of his favourite Italian restaurants. “Pizza or pasta?”

Tyler hummed under his breath for a moment before answering, his eyes seeming a little more in focus when Josh glanced at him. “Pizza, I think. But only because I’ve had so much pasta that I’m sick of it.”

Josh laughed. “Damn, dude. Usually it’s the other way around.”

Tyler chuckled— actually _chuckled_ — as he nodded. “Yeah, but my family—“

He instantly froze up, fingers picking around his nails again. Josh glanced at him worriedly, but held his silence. 

“My _ex_ -family used to love posh food,” Tyler said slowly, finally, as if he was choosing his words carefully. “I didn’t get to try a lot of pizza, actually.”

“Well,” Josh grinned, pulling into the parking lot of the restaurant. “Here’s your chance!”

Tyler peered out of the rain-glazed window, blinking as he read the sign. “Jamie’s Pizzeria?”

Josh nodded, reaching into the backseat for an umbrella. “It’s great stuff! You’re going to love it! Hang on, stay right there.”

He opened his side of the door and climbed out, opening up the umbrella and hurrying over to Tyler’s side, opening the door for him. 

“Such a gentleman,” Tyler laughed, the glazed look in his eyes dissipating a little more, and Josh mentally high-fived himself. “A free ride _and_ dinner?”

Josh shrugged, trying his best to play it cool. “Figured we could both grab a bite. I’m pretty hungry.”

Tyler smiled. 

|-/

The restaurant was incredibly comforting and warm, slow jazz music, both men thawing as they took their seats. Josh thanked the waitress who brought them the menu, and stared at Tyler as the latter scrutinized it. 

Tyler was an enigma, but Josh was even more confused with himself. He couldn’t understand exactly what had possessed him to give a stranger so much thought and attention, what had made him go out of his way to try to make said stranger feel better. Kind though he was, Josh usually kept himself, helping people from a distance if he had to— but with Tyler, it felt like he was doing himself an injustice if he didn’t do all he could for this mystery of a man. 

And a mystery he was, Josh decided, watching Tyler’s hands turn the page of the menu— the skin around his nails was raw from constantly being picked— and musing silently to himself. What possessed someone to run into the pouring rain at ten in the night with nowhere in mind to go? Surely everyone had somewhere to go— but it was almost like Tyler had thrown away the consequences of his actions, as if he had blocked out the thoughts of what tomorrow may bring. 

He was a puzzle. And Josh couldn’t help but try to figure him out. 

Tyler’s voice broke him out of his trance. “Do you think the pepper barbecue chicken pizza will be good?”

“For sure,” Josh said, with an encouraging smile. “I’ll get the one with chicken sausages, and if you like mine better, we can swap.”

“Thank you,” Tyler said, smiling and closing the menu. 

After the waitress took their order, Tyler wriggled around in his chair a bit, his slight frame drowning in Josh’s jacket even though Tyler was slightly taller. “So, Josh.” He started, the haze in his eyes almost gone. “Why are you being so nice to me?”

For a moment, he didn’t know what to answer, taken aback by the question. Then, he deflected, because he truly _didn’t know_. “I promise I’ll tell you someday.”

Tyler frowned, but it was playful, his eyes twinkling. “That’s not fair.”

“Never said it was.”

Tyler stuck his tongue out at him and Josh laughed. 

“But seriously,” Tyler said. “Thank you. I really mean it. If you hadn’t picked me up, distracted me, I— I don’t know what I might’ve done.”

An icy hand gripped Josh’s heart. “You mean—“

Tyler didn’t answer, but lowered his eyes to his hands again, picking at his cuticles. Without thinking, Josh stretched his hand across the table, palm up. After a second’s hesitation, Tyler stopped picking at his skin and took Josh’s hand instead. 

“I don’t know why I tried to help,” Josh admitted finally. “But I’m glad I did.”

They stayed like that, hand in hand, till their food arrived.

They exchanged banter as they ate, Tyler delightedly scarfing down Josh’s pizza, downing the last slice and inquiring whether they had any Redbull.

“They don’t,” Josh laughed. “But we can get you some on the road.”

Tyler grinned, and Josh noticed his bottom teeth were adorably crooked. “You’re the best.”

“Of course I am.”

When the bill arrived, Josh reached for his wallet, but Tyler beat him to it before he could even protest. 

“Don’t even think about it,” Tyler said sternly when Josh opened his mouth to argue. “It’s my parents endless money. Don’t ask.”

Josh dutifully closed his mouth. 

|-/

The rain had slowed to a light drizzle by the time the pair made their way to the car. Tyler settled in beside Josh with a contended sigh, happy and relaxed— and the next second he was tense and upright as reality came crashing down around him. 

“Where do I go?” He whispered.

Josh had an answer ready for that, though. “There’s a motel a few blocks down. If you want I could drop you there?”

Tyler clenched his jaw, but nodded, his movements stiff and jerky. 

“And,” Josh continued. “I could pick you up in the morning, if you like?”

The suggestion seemed to confuse Tyler, whose eyebrows furrowed. Josh was about to apologize and offer to take him home, or to an expensive hotel, when— 

“You’d do that?”

“Of course,” Josh nodded easily, sighing a quiet breath of relief. “I don’t know what’s happened to you, Tyler. But I’m not just going to abandon you.”

There was a pause, and then suddenly there was a pair of arms around Josh’s middle and a quiff of hair tickling his chin as Tyler hugged him as tightly as he could. 

Momentarily startled, Josh’s arms tightened around Tyler, the warmth between the two seeping into their bodies, thawing in the cold winter air. 

Josh didn’t know how long they stood there. It could have been a few seconds. A few minutes. 

An eternity. 

“C’mon,” he murmured into Tyler’s hair. “Let’s go somewhere warm.”


	2. Saviour of the Broken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Motels, bagels, panic attacks and a phone call.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi all, sorry for the long wait! Here's a longish chapter before we get to the spicy bit.

> _**You've got this new head filled up with smoke,** _
> 
> _**And I've got my veins all tangled close.** _
> 
> _**-MakeDamnSure, Taking Back Sunday** _

Both men were silent for the rest of the short drive down to the motel, though it was a comfortable kind of silence, warm, cozy, settling between them like a warm blanket—but while Tyler looked like he was on the verge of falling asleep, his eyelids drooping and head falling back on the seat headrest, Josh was wide awake, his skin buzzing with nervous energy. His hands gripped the steering wheel so hard that his knuckles turned white.  
  
Now that Tyler was quiet and asleep, Josh's mind was free to roam, and it was not doing him much good.  
  
He couldn't understand what on earth had possessed him to pull the stunts that he had this evening. Sure, he was known for being spontaneous, but this was taking it up a notch from just _adventurous_ —he had thrown away his responsibilities, ignored the fact that he was low on cash and had class the next day, for some stranger in emotional distress.  
  
_I've done my part to help him, Josh reasoned. More than most people would. Drop him at the motel, take the money, and get some sleep before tomorrows class._  
  
But the voice of reason was weak, because try as he did, he couldn't get Tyler's words out of his head.  
  
_If you hadn’t picked me up, distracted me, I— I don’t know what I might’ve done._  
  
The same cold icy hand that had gripped his heart the first time Tyler had said those words chilled him to the bone all over again. They could have been just words, but though they had had a pleasant evening, Josh wasn't going to forget the haunted, lost, _dead_ look that Tyler's eyes had held anytime soon. 

Stranger though Tyler was, Josh knew that he wouldn’t be able to live with himself knowing that he might hurt himself when Josh could have prevented that, by just sticking with the man a little longer. 

In spite of everything, Josh couldn’t bring himself to say he had a bad night. It had been interesting at the very least, and Josh believed that he handled the situation well despite his own life being nearly as complicated, and having his own demons to fight. Josh liked Tyler, the conversation they had in the pizzeria was very natural, and he had noticed that the sullen look Tyler had when he first got into cab had slowly melted away over the evening, the glazed look in his eyes dissipating the more time they spent together. 

Josh allowed himself to get lost in his thoughts, and before he knew it they were close to the motel Tyler would be staying at for the night. It was a nice quaint little place, more of a resort, free from the usual sin and debauchery one would find in a shadier motel, which was exactly why Josh wasn’t too worried about leaving Tyler here for the night. Hookers and dope fiends probably wouldn’t have too great an impact on Tyler’s mental state right now. 

“So, this is the place, huh?” Josh heard as he drove to the parking lot. 

Startled, he looked over to see a now wide-awake Tyler to his left. He could’ve sworn he was asleep not a minute ago— But something was different— the peaceful and happy expression he had in the restaurant had given way to the same glazed look he wore during their first interaction. He was fiddling with the lever to the glove box nervously while Josh parked the car. 

“Yeah,” Josh said, pausing to choose his words carefully. “Do you want me to take you somewhere else?”

“No, no—“ Tyler said, shaking his head a little, like he was trying to snap himself out of it. “This is— this is fine.”

“Are you sure?” Josh said, anxious that the place may not be to Tyler’s liking.

_Probably doesn’t have the same cheap taste as you, Josh, he’s probably actually done something in life that he’s proud of and enjoyed the luxury that’s come with being successful, something you’ll never understand—_

“—Josh?” Tyler was gently shaking Josh’s shoulder, his eyes suddenly worried. “Are you alright?”

Josh blinked. “I’m fine, why?”

“You...” Tyler looked uncertain about what to say. “You weren’t really responding to anything I said—“

Josh shrugged it off easily, mentally berating himself for letting his thoughts roam. I really have to stop doing that. “Sorry. I was just thinking.”

Tyler nodded, narrowing his eyes, and thankfully didn’t press. “I was saying that this looks like a nice place.”

Josh smiled, much more weakly than he would have liked. “I hope you’ll like it.”

Tyler got out of the car and Josh followed, leaning over to ask, “Should I help you check in?”

“I’ll be fine,” Tyler scoffed, but he looked uncertain. “I’m not a kid, Josh.”

“I never said— I didn’t mean—“

“No, it’s okay, just,” Tyler closed his eyes and drew a deep breath, pinching the bridge of his nose. _There you go, Josh. You did it again, you fucked it up. You couldn’t have kept your mouth shut, could you? Just because he’s a little emotional doesn’t mean he can’t handle himself, and now he’s offended and he hates you, and—_

“I’ll be fine. Thanks, Josh.”

“Okay.” Josh said, shoving his hands into his pockets. “Sorry.”

“For what?” Tyler asked, confused. 

He shook his head. “Uh, do you still want me to pick you up tomorrow morning?”

Tyler brightened visibly, and Josh’s heart lightened a little bit. “If that’s not too much trouble?”

“Not at all,” Josh lied through his teeth. “You have my number from the Uber app right? Just text me whenever you want me to come and pick you up. Or if you need anything else.”

Tyler walked around the car. “Thank you.”

Josh smiled slightly. “It’s no problem.”

Tyler shook a little. “No, I— I really mean it. Thank you.” He took another deep breath. “I didn’t know people could be this nice.”

Josh laughed weakly, not knowing how to respond. He certainly couldn’t say _I’m doing this because I don’t want to have to live with the fact that you might kill yourself if I don’t take care of you_. And to be fair, Tyler wasn’t unpleasant company, though he could be a little snappish. Josh was actually looking forward to the next morning. 

“You’re welcome,” he said, flashing his signature blinding smile, surprised at how easily it suddenly graced his lips. “I just need you to promise me something.”

“What is it?”

“That you’ll stay alive for me,” Josh said, bluntly, because how else could he say it? “That you’ll stay safe.”

Tyler was silent for a long minute. 

“Josh—“

“No, listen,” Josh said, starting to ramble and internally wincing but going ahead with it anyway. “I liked this evening, Tyler. I liked spending time with you, and I don’t want to come back tomorrow to something having happened to you. So promise me, just for tonight, that you’ll be absolutely safe.” He gripped Tyler’s cold hands in both of his. “Please.”

Tyler lowered his eyes to their clasped hands. The air was getting chilly, and Josh could see his breath mingling with Tyler’s shaky exhales. 

“I’ll try,” Tyler said, finally. 

“That’s not enough,” Josh said, harsh but truthful. _How did I get into this mess?_ “Do you need me to stay with you for the night?”

Tyler shook his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I’d love for you to. But I have to do it alone.” He finally raised his eyes to meet Josh’s. “I have to prove to myself that I can.”

“I understand,” Josh said. “But then you have to promise.”

“Okay,” Tyler said, and his eyes seemed to clear up a little more. “I promise.”

Josh let go of his hands, and suddenly they were cold all over again. “I’ll pick you up whenever you want me to.”

“Early.”

“As early as you want.”

Tyler smiled— the word _adorable_ flitted across Josh’s mind— and gave him a quick hug. “I’ll hold you to that.”

“I hope so.”

Tyler stuck his hands into the pockets of his jeans and turned away, making his way down the winding path to the entrance of the motel. He looked incredibly small and vulnerable. 

Josh watched him go. 

|-/

Josh couldn’t sleep. 

He lay there in his boxers, two blankets drawn over him, but even though he was warm, rest seemed determined to evade him completely. His mind was buzzing at a thousand miles an hour, going around in circles, mixed feelings of disbelief, confusion, happiness, fear and mostly _what just happened_ flickering through his brain. 

The more he tried to not think about it, the more the thoughts invaded his mind, and he was left tossing and turning, wondering what the hell was wrong with him, what on earth had possessed him to get dragged into this mess, throw caution to the wind—

**Unknown Number:** _hi_

**Unknown Number:** _i wish that my thoughts would go torture someone else’s sleep and then i feel bad for thinking that and now i can’t sleep even more_

Josh grabbed the phone off his nightstand and quickly saved Tyler’s contact— who else could that message really be from?— before quickly typing out a response. 

**Josh:** _Have you tried listening to music?_

**Tyler:** _yeah but like most of the music i listen to is way too hardcore for sleeping_

**Josh:** _Want any recommendations?_

**Tyler:** _yes pls_

**Josh:** _ Private Playlist: S l ø w D ø w n _

**Josh:** _This is what I use for when I can’t sleep, hope it helps_

A couple of minutes passed before Tyler texted back. 

**Tyler:** _dude this death cab for cutie is good shit, but like you have a7x on your sleep playlist? you heathen_

**Josh:** _Hey, it’s a super nice song! And it’s super slow too, I love it_

**Tyler:** _wait then lemme listen_

**Tyler:** _holy shit you’re right_

**Tyler:** _i love a7x how have i not heard this before_????

**Josh:** _It’s their new album, pretty recent_

**Tyler:** _ah. that explains it._

**Tyler:** _i’ve been kinda occupied lately_

**Josh:** _I get that. Hey, I’ll bring my bluetooth speakers so we can listen to music in the car tomorrow_

**Tyler:** _sounds sickkk. why don’t you have a radio in your car btw??_

**Josh:** _It got stolen lol_

**Tyler:** _no way dude, fr???_

**Josh:** _Yeah, no joke. So now I just sit here in silence lol_

**Tyler:** _eek, that sucks. sometimes quiet is violent_

**Josh:** _Yeah, tell me about it_

**Josh:** _Who the fuck steals just a car radio man_

**Tyler:** _what a madlad lmao_

**Tyler:** _hey this way you have space to get your car fitted with goodass speakers_

**Josh:** _Those are expensive, Ty_

**Tyler:** _psssh_

**Tyler:** _also i like that you call me ty_

**Josh:** _I’ll do it more often, Ty_

**Tyler:** _:D_

**Tyler:** _wow this playlist actually has me feeling smeepy_

**Tyler:** _you have achieved the impossible_

**Josh:** _Glad to hear it helped!_

**Tyler:** _gonna fall asleep_

**Tyler:** _but_

**Tyler:** _can’t wait to see you later today_

**Josh:** _Me neither :)_

**Tyler:** _get some sleep w/ me?_

**Josh:** _I’ll try_

**Tyler:** _gnight! thank you for today_

**Josh:** _No problem—good night :)_

Curiously, sleep came easily after that. 

|-/

There are some people who wake up bright and early who are ready to greet the day with a warm welcome the moment sunshine enters through their windows. They wake up, brush their teeth, usually go down for breakfast and some coffee and start their day with zeal. 

While Josh understood these people existed, the concept was alien to him— bleary-eyed and disoriented, he fumbled blindly on his bedside table to hunt for his phone, squinting to read the time off his lock screen. 

He checked the time and threw his phone onto the other side of the bed, pulling his blanket snugly over himself, preparing to get a few minutes more of sleep— and then what he had seen on his phone screen registered on his mind. 

Twenty one missed calls— every one of them from Tyler. 

Josh bolted out of bed, nearly tangling his feet in his blanket and almost smashing his head into the nightstand, but managed to regain his balance, anxiety gripping his mind as he hit call on Tyler’s contact, heart beating furiously. 

“ _The number you have called is switched off. Please try again later.”_

“Jesus _, no_ ,” Josh said, already pulling on his jeans and jacket, dialling Tyler’s number again, even though he knew it was in vain. “ _Please_ pick up—“

_“The number you are calling is currently switch—“_

By the time Josh tumbled into his car, he couldn’t remember if he’d locked his apartment door, and he couldn’t care less. He was constantly mentally kicking himself, but above all, the fear that Tyler might have hurt himself was nearly paralysing— so much so that Josh ran more traffic lights than he remembered on his way to the motel, a good few miles above the speed limit. 

_He’s gone_ , Josh screamed at himself, trapped inside his own mind, eyes trained on the road but not really seeing anything at all. His heart was still pumping furiously, adrenaline still flooding his veins, and he gripped the steering wheel so tightly that he wasn’t sure he’d be able to pry his hands off them. _He’s gone, he’s probably already dead and it’s your fault, you overslept and he probably thinks you abandoned him, and you did abandon him, you told him you’d pick him up early in the morning, and it’s almost noon, there’s probably nothing you can do anymore, you managed to fuck this up just like before—_

He parked haphazardly as close as he could to the motel, running past rooms to the reception, skidding to a stop in front of a pretty receptionist. If she was perturbed by his shaking and sweaty form, she didn’t let it show. 

“How may I help you, sir?”

“Hey, uh—“ Josh tried to take a deep breath. “I’m looking for a friend, can you help me?”

“Certainly, sir,” the receptionist— _Debbie_ , her nametag read— responded. “What is his name and what is his room number?”

“I don’t know his room number,” Josh said, groaning internally. “His name is Tyler.”

“Tyler, okay.” She tapped a few keys me gazed at her computer screen. “His surname?”

“I— don’t know.”

Debbie narrowed her eyes suspiciously. “Then I’m afraid I can’t help you, sir. We have quite a few Tylers in our establishment.”

“But—“

“I’m sorry, sir.”

Insides screaming, Josh turned around, defeated, reaching into his pocket for his phone to try to call Tyler again, though he knew it was absolutely futile. 

_Congratulations, Josh. You’ve done it again. History really does repeat itself._

_“The number you are calling is curr—“_

Josh lowered the phone from his ear and started at the screen for a second, and promptly threw it as hard as he could at a pillar, where it shattered into a myriad of unrecognisable, tiny pieces, just like his mind. 

He heard Debbie’s shocked gasp but didn’t quite register it as he started blankly at his broken phone on the ground. His mind was racing and completely devoid of any coherent thought at the same time, other than _this is your fault._

_Your fault._

_As always._

_You thought it’d be different?_

_Pathetic._

_You couldn’t even wake up on time to save a life._

_You’re worthless._

_A murderer._

_Worthles—_

“Josh?”

Josh looked up to see a very confused and vaguely apprehensive looking Tyler standing beside him, confusion gracing his delicate features. He was holding a brown paper bag and a cup of coffee in one hand, looking _very real._

“Josh?” He repeated, when the former didn’t respond. “What happened to your phone? Is everything alright?”

“I—“ Josh shook his head, trying to snap out of whatever funk he had worked himself into, and trying to absorb that Tyler was standing in front of him, very much alive and seemingly unhurt. Seeing him safe was such a contrast from the scenarios Josh had cooked up on the way to the motel. “I thought you—“

Tyler crouched to inspect Josh’s phone. “I think it’s a little too broken to use,” he said. “Come on, let’s talk in my room?”

Josh nodded dumbly, glad to have an excuse to be away from Debbie’s piercing, suspicious stare. He followed Tyler to his room, not really watching his steps, and sat down at the edge of the bed as Tyler threw the curtains open before sitting opposite to Josh in a chair. 

“What happened?” Tyler asked, looking confused. “Is something wrong? You look really pale—“

Josh shook his head. “I woke up and saw that you had called— and I tried to call back, but your phone was off—“

“Yeah, it ran out of battery and I forgot to take my charger with me when I left last night,” Tyler explained, and suddenly Josh felt like an anxiety ridden idiot. 

“I thought you had— that you might have—“

Tyler’s eyes softened as he caught on to what Josh was trying to say. He repositioned himself so that he was sitting on the edge of the bed with Josh. 

“Look, I’m fine.” He rubbed Josh’s back in circles, the movement slow and comforting, and Josh melted almost instantly. “I’m right here. I promised you, didn’t I?”

“Yeah.”

“I always keep my promises.”

“Okay.”

“I’m absolutely fine, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Do you want a bagel? I got two because I knew you’d show up.”

“Yes, please.”

Josh nibbled away at the bagel that Tyler handed him, watching as the latter scarfed down his food, all while still rambling about some adorable puppy he had met while on his way to the bakery, constantly rubbing comforting little circles into Josh’s back till his breathing was even again, his head back on his shoulders again. 

_He’s fine. He’s right here. You didn’t fuck up again. Not yet. He’s okay._

Tyler stopped speaking about ice cream flavours when he saw that Josh’s breathing had returned to normal. “Feeling better?”

“A lot. Thank you,” Josh said, truthfully. “I didn’t mean to freak out like that—“

“Trust me, I get it,” Tyler said, and it had never sounded so genuine. “I’m just glad you’re feeling better.”

Josh nodded, breathing heavily but calming down slowly. There was a silence that lingered uncomfortably in the heavy air of the room. 

“You know, this is the first bagel I’ve ever had.” Tyler said, eyeballing his last bite before sticking it into his mouth. “I was expecting it to be sweeter, like a cake or a donut. It’s just bread, though.”

“It’s good bread,” Josh reasoned, snapping out of his trance. “The cream cheese gives it a lot of flavour.”

“...cream cheese?”

“Yeah, didn’t you—“ Josh’s eyes snapped up to the table in the middle of the room, and sure enough, the container of cream cheese that Tyler had purchased sat unopened on the surface. “Did you not put any cream cheese on it?”

“I didn’t know I was supposed to,” Tyler said, immediately defensive. “I’ve never had a bagel before, I told you!”

“You bought the cream cheese though!” Josh exclaimed, bewildered. It was safe to say he didn’t understand rich people.

“I thought that was a little snack to be eaten after the bagel was over,” Tyler explained. 

Josh stared at him in disbelief. “You took a bite out of the bagel, thought it tasted bland, but finished it anyway?”

Tyler glared at him, then turned his eyes towards the ground. “Stop judging me. I never really got the chance to figure these things out.”

“Alright, fine,” Josh said, leaning over to grab the cream cheese and plastic knife off the table. “Here, I have most of mine left— we can share.”

“But that’s all you have for breakfast—“

“—we’ll get an early lunch,” Josh said, having none of it. “Come on, I want to witness your first _real_ bagel reaction.”

Tyler opened his mouth yet again to argue, but looked at Josh’s expression and closed it, silently spreading cream cheese over Josh’s remaining bagel and taking a bite as the younger man watched. 

“What do you know,” Tyler said, after half a minute of solemn, expressionless chewing. “It’s not bland after all.”

“Do you like it?”

“It’s not bad,” Tyler admitted, his eyes flickering to Josh. Then, after a pause, “Can we get some more?”

|-/

“So,” Tyler said, happily munching on his overly expensive Caesar salad, sitting opposite Josh at the outdoor café while people bustled around them. “What do you do exactly? Besides driving, I mean.”

“I’m a student,” Josh said, and suddenly he didn’t really feel like having his hotdog anymore. He had completely forgotten about class— his unconscious decision to be Tyler’s caretaker wasn’t going to do his grades any credit. 

Tyler waved a dismissive hand. “No, I mean, what do you do for fun?”

“Uh,” Josh replied intelligently— it was a question that he didn’t get asked very often, surprisingly. “I, uh, like watching movies? And taking pictures. And I play drums...kind of.”

To his surprise, Tyler’s eyes lit up. “You do? Are you in a band?”

“Nah, not— I was, but,” Josh shrugged dismissively, brushing the issue away. “It didn’t work out, so. Here I am.”

Chewing on his salad thoughtfully for way too long, Tyler pointed a fork at him. “Doesn’t mean it’ll never work out.”

“Maybe,” Josh said, squirming uncomfortably. “Look— I’d rather not talk about it, please.”

Tyler narrowed his eyes suspiciously. 

“Not now, at least,” Josh amended, giving Tyler his best puppy-eyes. Apparently it worked, because Tyler nodded assent. 

“Fine, but we’ll talk about it someday.”

“Okay.” Josh knew it was going to be the best deal he got. Hopefully Tyler would be out of his life before he had to talk about that part of his life. 

It wasn’t that he didn’t like Tyler— in fact, he rather enjoyed the effortless conversations they had, the way Tyler was like a child experiencing the world for the first time. 

It was just that remembering some of his life made Josh feel things. Feel angry, sad, nostalgic, and most of all, wistful. 

“Pinky promise?” Tyler held out his left hand, little finger outstretched. Josh cracked a smile before linking his pinky with his. 

“Pinky promise. Hey, do you want to try my milkshake?”

Tyler happily bared his teeth and swiped Josh’s milkshake away from under his nose, as if he had been waiting for Josh’s invitation. Taking a long slurp and grinning in delight, he stopped a passing waitress to order one for himself. 

There was a moment of silence, as Josh tapped a beat onto the table with his fingers. 

“What’s your last name?”

Tyler hesitated, then said, “Joseph. What’s yours?”

“Dun. Joshua William Dun.”

“Josh Dun,” Tyler said pensively, the name rolling off his tongue like it was meant to. “I like it.”

Josh smiled. 

“I like it when you smile,” Tyler said, his eyes flicking up to Josh’s face and then down to his salad. “You look nice.”

The compliment took Josh aback— it had been a while since someone said anything like that to him, but Tyler, fidgeting with his fingers, looked like he meant it. 

“Hey,” Josh said. Tyler looked up shyly, and Josh flashed him a wide grin. “I’ll smile more often then.”

Tyler looked delighted, and for some reason, that made Josh happy. 

Josh’s phone buzzed on the table and he was about to ignore it, but the caller ID caught his eye. 

**_Abigail Dun._ **

“Hang on,” he excused himself, eyebrows creased as he picked up the call, knowing that the call was urgent— his sister wouldn’t have called otherwise. Tyler nodded and Josh turned away, his voice low as he said into the phone, “Hello?”

“Josh, you have to come home,” Abigail sounded almost hysterical, as if she was in tears. “You have to come home, please, _please_ , I don’t know what to do—“

“Abby, hang on,” Josh said, heart beating fast, dreading whatever had his sister in this state. “What’s going on?”

What he heard next made his blood turn to ice. 

_“What?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feedback is oxygen! Stay alive. |-/
> 
> -Ash

**Author's Note:**

> I don’t have tumblr, but you can add me on Instagram at [ash__de](https://www.instagram.com/ash__de/) (with two underscores in the name).
> 
> Stay alive. 
> 
> |-/


End file.
